Frequently asked questions
+ How long will it take for things to get better?
It varies person-to-person. Unlike how Western society conditions us to operate, healing is a non-linear process. If you are looking for a cookie-cutter formula to follow so that your life will be “fixed,” I am not the right fit for you. What I can say for certain is that there will be a duration of time where things will feel worse. This is an inevitable initiation necessary to the life you desire. Getting to where you want requires sifting through all the muck that keeps you from moving forward. This can look like remembering past experiences of trauma, rejection, shame, and loss that have programmed you to believing the worst about yourself and the world. This can also look like increased tension in your current relationships. As you change, the systems you are a part of will also be pulled into that change. Friends, family, or coworkers may either celebrate your growth or attempt to stomp it down because it threatens the status quo. If you want to change your life, you will need to learn to accept that your relationships will change, too. Some are ready to jump straight into this change, while others feel conflicted about things changing.
+ What if my life doesn't change after coaching?
This is a question I have asked in my own journey of awakening. The short answer I arrived at is, “Forget about the ‘what ifs.’” I have often sabotaged myself when preoccupied with outcomes. The more I focus on outcomes, the less present I am with current actions. It’s the same idea as the common expression of being so focused on the destination that you forget to enjoy the journey. In the end I made, and continue to make, the choice to not be attached to outcomes. Having understood the inherent worth of who I am, my actions come from a place of peace instead of a place of needing to prove my worth so as to escape a gnawing sense that I am unworthy. Confronting all the reasons I believe myself to be unworthy, ironically, helped me realize that I am worthy. If you can commit to facing your fears and become your own best friend regardless of the outcomes, your life will change on its own.
+ I've worked with many coaches/therapists/healers before. How are you any different?
My question to you would be, “What was your previous relationship with your coach/therapist/healer like?” Perhaps you had a very callous coach who you did not feel a good connection with. Or maybe you had a very nice coach who always validated you, but never challenged you or called you out on your bullshit. My goal is to balance kindness, compassion, and grit. Validation alone is not enough. Men grow through challenge. It should feel uncomfortable. That’s how muscles grow and it’s how your masculine essence will grow. One important aspect of coaching I inform all my clients of is their personal commitment to growth. 10% of the work is what we do in session. The other 90% is what efforts you put in the rest of the hours of your week. Coaching by itself will help, but lasting change will depend on the client’s consistency. There will be times where I am less directive and simply observe the progression and interactions with my client. At other times, I will challenge clients to lean against their growth edge and experience discomfort. The life you desire is not without its growing pains.
+ I don't want to revisit my past. Can I still get to where I want to go?
You can, but only in the short-term. If all you’re looking for is some prescriptive set of tools to implement in your life so that it feels better, any positive change will be short-lived. You will inevitably find yourself in the same relational patterns and same behaviors that brought you in. Lasting change comes from understanding that your present and your future are shaped by your past experiences. Ever hear someone say, “I know I shouldn’t think that way and that it’s not true, but I just can’t help myself?” Maybe that someone is you. Until you understand where you learned to think the way you think and view yourself the way you view yourself AND release the repressed emotions around those experiences, your life will be a continuous battle swimming upstream. And I am willing to bet that isn’t going too well for you.
+ What if we get into a disagreement?
I do not assume perfection as a coach and acknowledge that I will make mistakes and not provide everything a client needs or wants. This is where I desire to create room for clients to create dialogue with me, like co-creating a piece of jazz improv. I believe that some of our deepest pain comes from disagreements or arguments with loved ones where there was never mutual reconciliation between the people involved. By working through areas of conflict my client and I may discover, we create the possibility for mutual understanding and healthy models of communication (e.g. expressing anger without being shamed). These skills and experiences can then be carried into relationships outside of therapy and enrich relations with loved ones and people in the workplace.
+ Do you do online sessions?
Yes, I do. Those who wish to do in-person sessions can request so specifically.
+ Why do you have a snake on your homepage?
The snake is significant to me because of a dream I had where I was being attacked by snakes of various colors. In this dream, I fought the snakes and didn't run. I grabbed them, bit them, and wrestled with them. All my life I’ve been afraid and sought safety and comfort. To me, this dream was significant because I was not running anymore. Putting the snake on my homepage was the first image that came to mind when I decided to create Sacred Wildman. I accepted the risk that it may scare people off or rub people the wrong way. The snake is doing its job. I want men to know from the get go that if they are in the business of changing their lives, they need to face their demons. The prerequisite to working with me is your willingness to descend into your own personal pit of hell. That’s where the hidden treasure is. Those who understand this will fear the snake, but also be drawn by it.
The literature around snakes is also very interesting. In the Judeo-Christian tradition in the West, the snake is viewed very negatively. However, in indigenous cultures and Eastern traditions, the snake/serpent/dragon is viewed as a powerful and primal source of energy. You hear about the coiled snake as Kundalini energy sitting at the base of our spine as well as intertwined serpents representing our DNA. My relationship to the snake changed from one of fear and disgust to one of honor and respect.
+ Do you work with women?
Yes, I do. This is something I will announce more officially in the near future (especially supporting women in building healthy relationships with men and for mothers raising sons). For now it is by request. If you are a woman who resonates with my work and would like to work with me in 1:1 coaching please do not hesitate to contact me.