2021 has been a year of big shifts for me. Old friendships and communities exited my life, while a few new ones entered my life. I abruptly left the place I had worked at for over 2 years once it became clear that changes were being made that did not align with my values. Righteous anger, resentment, and loneliness were frequent emotions I experienced as I watched the world go in a direction I could not accept. And to top it all off, I experienced a spiritual crisis following a plant medicine ceremony that forced me to face my own personal hell. As I am settling down at the end of 2021, I feel happier and lighter than I’ve been in a while, yet also more lost and depressed at the same time. I’ve termed this post-enlightenment depression.
The two biggest guiding lights I have to hold onto right now are 1) open your heart and 2) let go and trust. These were the two diamonds I salvaged from the brutal pressure and fires of my plant medicine initiation. There is very little in our lives that is guaranteed. We are not guaranteed running water. We are not guaranteed food on the shelves of the grocery stores we frequent. We are not guaranteed that we will see our loved ones again after saying, “See you next time.” We are not even guaranteed the next inhale after our exhale. We ARE guaranteed change, uncertainty, and death. The last three are things we as humans tend to have a hard time with, especially death (these last 2 years have made that clearer than ever). Yet change, uncertainty, and death await us all the same. We can choose to respond to them in fear, clamping down tightly and grasping onto whatever we can to try and protect ourselves. Or we can choose to open our hearts to the great unknown, scary as it may seem, and trust things will be okay even as we let go. Neither is good or bad, right or wrong; they are simply different choices and attitudes. It is in these choices that we create our own personal hell or heaven.
So as we close out 2021 and enter 2022, I invite you to reflect on your life and how you feel about your life. What choices have you made this past year and how was your attitude? Are there any changes you would like to make in regards to your choices and attitude moving forward? We have the opportunity to get quiet and go within. Now past the Winter Solstice and in the cold of winter, we can see Mother Nature herself withdraw life within. In the darkness she hibernates, bides, stores, and composts… to then reemerge in the Spring. It is difficult to hear the quiet voice of our internal guidance when we are always rushing about as human doings versus human beings. It may feel uncomfortable and scary and you might fear getting lost if you slow down. To that I say, embrace the fear. Embrace the lost. Embrace the darkness and stillness. And in the silence and darkness, tell me what you experience. Seeds buried in the soil break through and find the light. Moths fly in the darkness to find the light. And the phoenix bursts into flames and ashes, to be reborn once again. Are you so separate from these wonders?
I extend my gratitude to each of you who have followed me in this journey. My communication isn’t consistent nor do I have certainty regarding the original direction and vision of Sacred Wildman. This is where I am practicing an open heart, trusting, and letting go. Whether you choose to continue to follow or leave, I appreciate your presence all the same. May this message reach you in whatever way you need in this time and support you as we enter 2022.
