Men Must Remember How To Speak Life With Their Words
A recurring dynamic I notice on social media is the silence of men.
This isn’t just isolated to my own experience. Larger accounts that have a larger male audience see the same. Women are more engaged and interactive in the comments than men are.
This doesn’t mean men are in the wrong or bad. Men tend to be more quiet and introspective with their thoughts and feelings. Being in solitude is enough for us to work out some things and then we get back to our lives and do what needs to be done.
There may also be the belief that “what I have to say doesn’t really matter” or “it’s not worth my energy to say or express anything, especially if I’m not asked.”
But I want to speak to why it is important for men to remember how to speak up again, especially speaking words that give life.
Men are more prone to voyeuristic tendencies. This goes back to how we tend to reside in our internal processes without feeling a need to necessarily interact on a connected and relational level. Social media accentuates this dynamic because there is a screen between us and the object we are viewing.
For example, you are reading this text right now. You are processing what you are reading and experiencing the impact of my words and observations. Perhaps you are internally saying, “yes” or “no,” or simply chewing over the words.
But what happens when that is the only thing we do as men? We become disconnected from the world. We are observers and no longer participants.
In relationship with women, we as men can often keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves and never express them in words.
You might be satisfied enough staring at her making dinner for the two of you and thinking, “God, I love this woman.” Suppose you just keep that to yourself. She may rationally get that you love her, but if you don’t ever express it from your heart in words then she will be unsure.
Some of you had fathers who provided everything for you financially and physically. But he never said, “I’m proud of you son” or “I love you son.” He does his duties as a father and that’s it. Do you not have some hole within you that wonders, “do I mean anything to him? Does he see me? Does he know me?”
Words matter.
I see no shortage of men who know how to use their words on social media, but with a negative or sarcastic attitude. Men will talk about how degenerate and feminized the culture is. Men will talk about how women are manipulative and marriage isn’t worth it. Men will talk about how they are seen as guilty until proven innocent.
There is truth to what is being expressed here by men. Some of these things need to be said. For many men it feels like validation of something they’ve felt for so long but could never speak to.
But to focus our words only on what is broken, wrong, or unpleasant leaves men limited in their capacity to express. We’ve gotten real good at articulating what is wrong. Do we even remember how to speak words that build up, inspire, and give life?
I would argue that we do not, or that we have forgotten. In the words of Zan Perrion, “we have turned our faces away from beauty.” And when beauty no longer has a witness, we all suffer. The flowers have no reason to open up anymore if the sun does not shine its light upon them.
Now imagine yourself as the sun. You emanate words of life that feel warm and nourishing like the sun’s rays. You speak life into women. You do so because you see the beauty that shines within them and because you feel how beautiful it is for you to speak life-giving words.
This is a gift that men have.
You can find it in the poems men have written throughout time. It was not enough to just see, feel, and witness beauty. These men had to find words to sing out how they admire, adore, and were rendered speechless by beauty.
When we speak life-giving words about others and ourselves, more life flows through us and that which we speak about. So the next time you have a chance to comment on a social media post, look at that comment box as an invitation for you to speak life-giving words. Look for opportunities to speak life. It can be as simple as, “I really like this post. It spoke to me.”
When more men start speaking life into the world, to men, to women, and to children… we will witness a resurgence of life and beauty like never before.
Further Reading:
Below are two fantastic Instagram Posts by Ryan King (@wisdomofkings) who is a man I highly respect and a big part of my inspiration behind writing this piece.