Spiritual Disciplines
In the collective state of uncertainty that we are now in, many are struggling to find a sense of grounding. There is the hope that we can return to normalcy, and yet, I personally get the sense that this will not be possible; we will need to learn to adapt. This is where spiritual disciplines come into play. I define spiritual disciplines as practices that bring one closer to one’s Self. There is a distinction between the self (egoic mind) and the Self (essence). The former is who you believe you are based on the messages you have been programmed with growing up. The latter is your base essence that is untainted by labels and beyond words. The practice of spiritual disciplines will begin to clarify that distinction for you. These practices turn your awareness inward rather than outward. For many of my clients who struggle with porn/sex addiction, they often describe a gnawing sense of unrest, buildup of tension, and a need to seek resolution. They are aware there is a compulsory quality behind their actions and have ritualized behaviors that ingrain this well-trodden path in their minds. These ritualized behaviors have a similar function to spiritual disciplines, but point outward instead of inward. Ritualized behaviors create a sense of familiarity, grounding, safety, and attachment. And in porn/sex addiction, the ritual builds a crescendo to a grand release at the end. Unlike spiritual disciplines, these rituals do not build self-awareness. Often, the individual experiences tunnel vision and is consumed by the experience. My goal is not to make bad or wrong these patterns; they play an important function, especially when you feel thrown off-balance (e.g. people who pick up smoking again after a highly stressful event). I simply want you to begin developing awareness of why you do what you do, when you do it, and offer alternative practices. The purpose of these alternative practices is to remind you of your own internal power and agency. The problem with compulsive ritualized behaviors is that they locate your internal sense of well being on external things. For example, if you NEED the weather to be sunny all the time, you will likely live a miserable life. You will either live a life of blame that nature can’t accommodate your desires or you will sequester yourself at home. However, if you can find internal peace and acceptance for what is, it will not matter the external circumstances. The weather will always change; you the observer, the experiencer remain the same. Being connected to the peace within, you will then be able to respond to the external world. You will even begin to influence and change the world around you. Think of the people whom by their sheer personality bring the people around them into a state of peace, joy, and inspiration. Below are some examples of spiritual disciplines that you can try:Meditate daily
Wim Hof Method (breathing and cold exposure) Do your research!
Exercise
Eat with NO distractions (e.g. no reading, no phone, no TV)
Standing meditation
Stretching
Journaling
Write down 3 things you are grateful for in the morning and before you sleep
Read 10 pages of a book daily
For me, it was the Wim Hof Method that kicked everything off. What began with skepticism has now become a daily practice. As I became consistent with the WHM, it became a natural part of my daily rhythm. Soon, I noticed I was less anxious, more grounded, and more alive (the cold showers are essential). The idea is to pick one spiritual discipline and commit to that. Start small, such as meditating every day for 2 minutes in the morning and 2 minutes at night, and doing so for 7 consecutive days. Journal what you notice. Setting a measureable goal allows you to stay committed vs shooting yourself in the foot with high expectations, which is how New Year’s resolutions often fail. The smooth stones on the ocean shores did not become that way after three or four waves. Those stones smoothed out after years of waves washing over them. So it is the case with spiritual disciplines; they smooth out your rough edges over years of consistent practice. To this day, I rarely ever feel overjoyed at the thought of taking a cold shower. But I do it as a spiritual discipline and as a practice of surrender and letting go of my egoic mind. There are plenty of times when the thought, “You suck! I hate you!” arises when I take a cold shower or meditate. I see this as a breakdown of the comfortable walls my ego has built, and as an invitation to welcome and love the pain that surfaces. Often times this comes with spontaneous moments of release in the form of tears, sobbing, yawning, laughing, shaking, or screaming. I welcome all of this, including the thought, “I don't want to welcome this part of me,” and continue to observe with compassion this process. Ultimately, I see spiritual disciplines as a process of unfolding and awakening to one’s true nature. Sufi poet Rumi said it best:“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
If you want to see an example of a spiritual practice that I do daily, take a look at the video below from my Youtube channel. It is a 17-minute video where I provide teaching around this practice and then guide you through a 2-minute practice. I challenge you to watch the entirety of the video without multi-tasking (e.g. checking your email, browsing your phone, etc).