This wasn’t a sudden decision. It was part of my early discussions with my clinical supervisor. I deeply enjoy the work of counseling and supporting my clients in going into the dark recesses of their psychological landscape; it’s an adventure. But there were aspects to the professional license and state restrictions that did not feel life-giving to me. It was as though I was sort of doing what enlivened me, while simultaneously feeling strait-jacketed. This was three years ago.
This year I finally resolved to make the change. The events of the past two years clarified a lot for me despite the destabilizing nature of it. I could no longer endure the stagnancy and pain of staying the same. This desire was determined to make itself manifest through me.
I could very well fail. But I’m emboldened by my fire to make it. And after a recent inadvertent vision quest, I know I’m going to make it. And that knowing is enough to support me even in the moments where I find myself experiencing doubt and anxiety.
This is the nature of evolution. Just like the snake that sheds its skin, just like the caterpillar that disintegrates into soup before emerging as a butterfly, and just like the phoenix that bursts into flames only to be rebirthed from the ashes – life is a cycle of death and rebirth. To resist death, be it physical or psychological, is to resist life itself. We’re terrified of death in the West; the behavior of the masses the past two years made this shadow glaringly obvious.
For newness to come, the old must go. It’s a composting process. Often the things we most desire cannot fully enter into our lives because we have not cleared space for them to enter. And so with this closing of my therapy business, I am now stepping into the realm of coaching. While aspects of how I work will stay the same, I also anticipate new shifts to be birthed over time. This really is only the beginning, and I am open to the mystery of how it will all take shape. And I am happy to have you come along for the ride.
I leave you with the final stanza from the poem Defeat by Kahlil Gibran:
